laundry list of attributes women must have

“But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.”

[Tina Fey, Bossy Pants]

a society that deserves to be put to the sword

"A society that replaces seven-tier wedding cakes with lo-fat cupcakes is a society that deserves to be put to the sword."

[Joe Queenan, source]

dinner conversation in the Kennedy household

"Some people look at creamed corn and ask why. I look at creamed corn and ask why not."

"Ask not if someone can pass the salt and pepper to you. Ask if you can pass the salt and pepper to someone."

- Brian Regan